One Year . . .

So much can happen the course of one year.

In our house we had 4 birthdays.
Thanksgiving, Christmas and so many more holidays.
We had lots of "firsts" - first day of school, first day in big girl underwear, so many little things to be celebrated.
All of these were celebrated with one thing missing.

Then there were the firsts that had to come, but we didn't want to celebrate, just "get through".
First Father's Day without him.
My first birthday without a call or hug from him.
My girl's birthday parties with a absence that couldn't be fixed.
The first Halloween without him fawning over the kids costumes.
The first fall without one of his awesome displays outside the house.

And even smaller things:
The first time, 17th time, and 55th time that I wanted to call him to tell him how the girls had been remembering him or talking about him but couldn't.
The fifty times I wanted to call and ask how to _____. Because he would have had a solution/answer, he always did.

I had a friend tell me last year right after Dad passed that eventually you will look back with happiness at all of the memories and not nearly as much sadness because you miss him. I have to say that in one year I have remembered happy memories (30 years worth), but those times don't come close to out-numbering the times my heart has ached for him missing something or me just plain missing him.

They say time heals all wounds, and it isn't that I don't believe that. I just think I need more time.